Start at the end and find the beginning

Out of time, out of character………….

The words, kinda of hit home, at 5am. The midnight black sky turns its back and reveals a smoggy slush grey; my eyes are coated with grit and sand from the hours of staring at the computer screen when I should in theory be sleeping.

Out of time or out of character. I lost time and character years ago, the day I walked through the door and out in to the big wide world of commerce and self employment.

Ten years later, I need to reinvent, that's what the internet says. How do you reinvent a life you have lived for thirty plus years? So here goes..........

I took my life and placed it in a box, tied it with a purple ribbon from the gift you gave me years ago. I walked along the beach and buried it in the sand, but the tide washed the sand away my box lay bare, was there for all to see. Picking up the sodden box, the writing smeared, but it could still be read. Goodbye my life, my love, the veil of death, the tolls will peel. 

The box accusing, staring, how could you throw your life away.  Does it not mean a thing to you, the years of grace, and humour, the moments of joys and agony in unison? Does your heart not beat against your chest, the blood of life circle through your veins? Well to be honest No, it means not a thing. It is but an empty shell, left on the shore, once the dreams have gone.

I know lets write a blog a silent blog that only I will read. The words can hurt not a soul and no tears will cry, but me.

But if I am out of time, am I not dead, a question I asked throughout the hours, the clock ticks it incessant sound as the keys danced and kept in tune with it distant rhythm. Noise in the darkness, creeping shadows in the illuminated screen, my past flickers and my future steels its self to be revealed.